A Note to my Future Children

Dear not-yet-conceived future child,

Hi, it's your future mom. I just wanted to send you a quick note to let you know that you will never get away with anything.

I mean nothing... at all... ever...

I don't care who it is blaming you for something, I don't care how absurd the claim is, I don't care what your excuse is. You will be at fault. And I will beat you unmercifully.

There will be none of this, "Well so-and-so instigated it." or, "Well s/he did it first." and absolutely no, "Are you sure it was my child?"

It will be your fault. You will suffer the consequences. I'll even tack on a few of my own. Just for fun. Just for spite. Just to ensure that you understand that you will never ever ever get away with anything.

I'll love you for as long as you don't make me kill you!

Future Mom

PS You can thank the moms of kids I know now for my attitude. I promise it is for your own benefit.