Wedding stuff

These are what we're going to pass out as favors at the wedding. I'm completely obsessed with these black and ivory patterned papers. So far I've completed about 30 or so candles and I've wrapped 140 in paper and all that's left is adding the ribbon. At this moment, I don't have any two that are the same, we'll see how quickly the creativity and inspiration runs out.

I don't wanna...

I'm so not ready to go back to school tomorrow. I have thoroughly enjoyed the last 2 weeks of vacation and I am not ready to give it up yet. I wish we at least had a day before the kids came, but nope, we're going back full force starting with all the rug rats.

I've been pretty productive with stuff around the house and wedding planning, but I know that's going to have to stop once I'm gone 10+ hours a day. There's just something about waking up at 5:30 and listening to 5 year olds scream all day all the while trying to teach them how to read (in the five minutes between assessments) that just doesn't make me want to come home and clean house or cook or work on crafty wedding stuff. It just makes me want to come home and sleep!

I shouldn't laugh alone

So, we went to Midland for a couple of days after x-mas and rather than sitting in the cigar bar that only serves beer and wine (yes, that is my own personal hell - smoke filled room with nothing for me to drink) I stayed in the hotel room while John hung out with some high school friends.

I vowed to work on wedding stuff but instead just farted around on the internet and found this ridiculous comedy skit that apparently comes on once a week on fake "internet" tv. I don't know... anyway, I thought I would share the link so other people might know what I'm laughing at.

Check it out here

Be sure to see the one on jewelry and weddings. Finding these videos definitely counts as "working on wedding stuff"

every year

Every year... I wait until the last minute to buy christmas presents. This year has got to be the absolute worst. We are leaving town tomorrow and I'm just now going out to get stuff. 1pm 3 days before Christmas...

At least I have SOME ideas of what to get people.

when all else fails... booze.

ok off to dry my hair, because god forbid my hair frizzes while I shop like a mad woman!

it has been a while

Just wanted to reiterate that I hate everyone.

Oh yes and that icon at the top with the "ABC" and the check mark, that means "spell check."

You are welcome.

my problem

I have had almost a month off from school now... I'll admit it, I've been mostly a slacker. I have yet to wake up before 9am. Some days it takes me until 3 pm to shower.... if i shower at all. Just kidding, mostly.

Well, I have come up with some possible reasons as to why I've been so tired.

Option 1: I work really hard all school year long, I work all day long, then work Extended Care, then come home clean, cook, etc. etc. I'm not bitching here, just explaining. I can't complain because if I were better at planning my time, I'd make it to bed before 11:45 on these nights, but that doesn't happen. Soooo... all school year long I get about 5 or 6 hours of sleep a night. So, option one says that I'm catching up on sleep from all year long.

Option 2: I have mono. I'm dying. (I hope not)

Option 3: Watching too much Jon and Kate Plus 8 makes me REALLY tired. Just watching 2 people chase 6 3 year olds wears me out. And they have other kids too! If those kids weren't so damned cute, I'd bet that they would have sold some of them online or something.

I'm pretty sure that Option 3 is the most accurate. When I went swimming w/ Jamie and Dana and their babies, I came home and crashed for three and a half hours. I wasn't responsible for their boys, but damnit... just watching them made me pass out. Then Dana came over with Charlie last week. They stayed for about thirty minutes and right after they left I took a 2 hour nap.


I must be allergic to babies. Even TV babies.


Sorry Daniel, Sorry Charlie :(
(and Alexis, Leah, Hannah, Aaden, Collin, and Joel)

ouch

My butt is sunburned. That doesn't mix well with a (fake) leather couch.

and it isn't really my butt, it is the top of the back of my legs.

"There is no butt! There's just the fleshy part at the top of the legs!"

Anyone know that movie?

House!

Tomorrow! Tomorrow! Its only a day away......

We buy our house tomorrow morning!

in 15 hours to be exact :)

We are so excited I can't even think!

R.I.P.

Rest in peace McFisherson.

I'm sorry I cleaned your bowl and it made you die.

This blog dedicated to the coolest and meanest Beta I've ever known.

Holy Smokes!

I started out strong packing in March, but I've slowed down greatly. We've been so busy with the thought and process of buying a house that I feel I've really slacked in the packing for the new house department. But then again, it is getting to the stage where it is hard to pack b/c everything is put away. All that is left out we'll be using. Well, not really, I could definitely do more. In fact I will do more... soon. Tonight perhaps. I've packed half of a box today and cleaned the top of the stove and fridge, both disgusting chores that made me want to shower.

Well, we should be closing on the new house on the 9th or so. That's the tentative date they gave us a week ago. You know, when we switched from buying the reasonable, starter home to buying the awesome much larger home next door.We had our first walk through today. There were only minor things that needed to be fixed, chips in paint, etc. Our realtor said that we might even be able to close before the 9th. It is all in the hands of the loan office and the building supervisor at this point.

It feels good to know that we'll be able to stay in this house for a long time, like until we're really adults and stuff.




Pretty fancy. This house buying process has been a trip. I can't begin to tell you the emotional attachment you can form in minutes... with a damn building at that! Anyway, I should go be productive if I ever want to actually live in this place.

90s sitcom

I'm pretty sure that when I sat down to get my haircut today, I didn't say "hey, have you ever heard of that show friends? Will you cut my hair like Jennifer Aniston circa 1994?"

but she did it anyway.

I look like a mushroom head.

damnit!

I'll be wearing a pony tail for a while.

I always hate my hair cuts when I first get them done, but this is really ridiculous. It is the kind of haircut I would have gotten if I were a. 45 years old b. not aware of my round head (or just liked to emphasize my circle face) and c. drunk.

unfortunately I'm not any of those things, but I am sad... so maybe I'll drink. And call in sick for a month or two.

ugh

I hate hate hate hate hate hate people.

I would like to seal myself off into a bubble and never come into contact with anyone ever again.

Oh, a note to all you idiot bloggers out there rambling on and on (go for it, if you type it, hopefully you won't say it aloud where I have to listen to it) that red squiggly line under every word of your post isn't blogger emphasizing your awesome epiphanies of earth shattering status. It is fucking telling you that you misspelled a goddamn word. FIX IT YOU FUCKS! JEBUS H. CHRIST!

PS you don't have to sign your name at the end of your blog, fartknocker. We know you wrote it. As if the "it is YOUR freaking blog" didn't give it away, the grammatical errors really sealed the deal.

my new diet

It is called Anna-alcho-ulemia. It starts out like this: don't eat much, then drink a LOT, then puke it all up.

You also have to sleep for 15 hours. I mean, yeah, you'll lose muscle mass and all, and you will also have the shakes and don't worry too much about that burning empty feeling in your stomach. Just tell yourself it is cramps and take a lot of advil.

In no time, you will be looking SMOKIN' HOT on the beach. Just don't wear a bathing suit because your pallor will be like that of death. Also wear big sunglasses to cover up the dark circles that have become your eyes.

BEST OF LUCK TO YOU ALL!!! I'll see you after this quick coma................................

stirring the waters...

At lunch today, we were discussing our ancestors and I'm all about whoring out the "we were jewish royalty with a castle and everything" routine. People are always impressed, but I've yet to have anyone bow down.... so until that day...

Later we made a starbucks run and I mentioned wanting to put up our x-mas tree last weekend (yes, I know it was the first weekend of November) and one of my co-workers was like oh, but I thought you were Jewish! ha ha! I said, nah, that was long ago. She said something about me being a christian and i said, nah... the other teacher with us joked about me being a "bad christian" i said... nah... so the first one said so what? are you an atheist or agnostic?!?!?! yeah....

***crickets chirping***

So, I said what? are you not going to be my friend anymore because I do the right thing because it is the right thing and not because I fear eternal damnation?

**** damn those crickets sure are loud ****

I love when people find out that I don't believe in god after they have already formed an opinion of me. I wonder what the thought process for that one is. Hmm... I knew she wasn't a religious person, but I also know that she's a decent person and is responsible... I knew it was weird when she yelled goddamnit all the time.... but we get along.... POP! Brain explodes!

I'm sure most people think I'm just saying it for the shock value (cause I NEVER say absurd things just to see how people react!). But it is something I just generally don't talk about much outside of my close knit group of friends because I don't like being on the defensive nor do I like the feeling of being openly judged. So, it is something that I tend to not discuss either way. I don't tell you to shut up when you say you will pray for me. I don't laugh in your face and go on a tirade when you ask me to pray for your family. Because I honestly don't care. If you need some sort of reward for doing what's right... hey... do whatever it takes. If you think that you shouldn't murder people or steal because it was in the bible, that's fine as long as you aren't murdering people or stealing. I'll avoid those things because it isn't nice and I wouldn't like those things to happen to me.

Anyway, we'll see how quickly this spreads and how quickly I lose my job.

I got an e-mail from a former student's mom complaining about a movie coming out and how terrible it is b/c it was written by an atheist etc. etc. Three days after sending this to me (at work - completely inappropriate) I saw her outside and we discussed what needs to be done to get her other son in my class in two years when he finally starts school. Hmm... I wonder if she would somehow think that her second son wouldn't learn to read or to be a good student in me class if she knew (insert scary music) the real me...

It is such crap.

Best...shit...EVER

http://www.marryourdaughter.com/

Fucking AWESOME! Read the testimonials!

“Our 15 year old daughter Mary wasn’t very popular and did nothing but mope around the house bringing everybody down, so we decided to marry her off through your site. Now our house is a lot cheerier and we love our new swimming pool and Jaccuzi! We’ve told our youngest that when she turns 15 we’re going to marry her off too!"

—Mrs. James P.


Where was this website when I was a pre-teen!? I'm telling my parents how pissed off I am!

Things I should probably keep to myself

Do you ever have hilarious things happen to you, but no one is around to see them? That shit always happens to me. I told the counselor at school the other day that she needed to come into my classroom so someone will know that I'm not making this shit up.

Well, Wednesday night I was working on getting my crap together for Open House on Thurs. evening. Sure enough as I sat here, I started to get the sniffles. Within 2 hours I was in bed almost in tears because my throat hurt so friggin' bad. Super, now I get to go give a presentation to parents the next night.

By Thursday I was feeling like COMPLETE crap. The kind of bad where you walk down the hall and people see you and say Oh Jennifer.... You don't look good! then apologize profusely. Believe me, I know. I spent 20 minutes this morning using half a bottle of concealer under each eye only to have my eyes start watering and wash away all my progress.
So, I do my presentation while nursing a peach smoothie from sonic (those f-ing things are AWESOME!) and at the end of the night, one of the moms asks me, Now Jennifer, how bad does it have to get before you go to the dr? hmm... good question.

That answer is, when your head is pounding from the moment you wake up and you can't turn your head to the side and you can't breathe through your nose and you're coughing up a lung.... THAT is when you go to the dr. But we had our Gingerbread hunt scheduled for Friday morning, so I HAD to at least go for the first half of the day. So I take 3 advil, 2 tylenol sinus, an emergen-c, and nasal spray. I grabbed some jeans off the floor and my 3 sizes too big school shirt and headed off. I walked into school thinking, i might be high... i'm not sure....

We do our hunt, walk ALL over the school, library, gym, computer lab, music room, art room, front office, nurse's office, cafeteria and then to recess. Morning goes ok, then I take the kids to lunch and start preparing for my afternoon sub. I walk back into my room and feel something on my leg, I look down and see nothing, but I feel something, so I take another step and a pair of underwear falls out of my pant leg. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

God, I'm glad it stayed put until I got back into the classroom and didn't fall out while on our GB hunt. Hey kids! We didn't find your cookies, but look! We found your teacher's thong instead!!!

good times.... I went and told all of my teammates who blamed it on the absurd amount of drugs I'd taken that morning. They think I am cool.

a bit of confidence

Today was the third day of school and all I have to say is WOW!

One of my kids' mom's took a picture of us on the first day and then sent it to the principal and me in an e-mail that afternoon. Later that day, I noticed that the picture is on the main page for the school district. I'm FAMOUS!!!!

Today I found out that the pic is going to run in the local paper. I'm going to need a body guard soon if things keep up.

Then, I get a forwarded e-mail from my principal. One of my kiddo's mom's sent the principal an e-mail complimenting me like crazy and saying how glad she is to have her son at a school as diverse as ours with such great staff.

I responded to the principal and said with as easy as it has been so far, I should be waiting for it to all come crashing down.

That could happen in the morning... I did send 4 kids home on yellow today ha ha ha!

goals for your daughters

"Ashley will make a good wife when she gets older. She will take good care of her husband. "

as heard on tv tonight.

I am disgusted. Thoughts?

Holy Crap!

School starts tomorrow! Yikes!!!

I'll be waking up in 6 and half hours.

I have 21 kindergarteners.... and 42 kinder parents AHHHHHHHHH

It is going to be a year filled with vodka and coffee... not in that order.

I picked a bad year to stop drinking cokes. At least I didn't give up smoking crack too!

Along the same lines....

Ok I'll admit it, I watch bad tv. Tonight I was watching Murder. It is this dumb show on Spike that has 2 groups of people working to solve a real crime. It is ridiculous and I have only watched it twice, this might have been the last time.

On tonight's episode a dude gets beaten to death in his own bed. One of the "investigators" first noticed a framed last supper painting in the hallway and immediately concluded that this was a very religious family. Um, we have that painting too... but I don't need to go into that.

Her next brilliant idea was that there was no way the wife could have killed her husband. "She is a good christian woman and I can't believe that a christian woman would kill her husband."

If I cared enough, this is where I would insert a very specific figure of how many wives kill their husbands and how many of them were christian, but I just feel like saying OH MY GOD! How ignorant are people???

That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard in my life.That picture is pretty irrelevant, but it makes me laugh nonetheless. I cannot grasp the concept of people who make lump generalizations like the woman on that show. Whether they be positive, negative or whatever. It makes me laugh hysterically that some people are so naive to believe something like claiming christianity equals being incapable of wrong doing. These are the same people who think I am going to eat their babies because I do not believe in god. One does not necessarily equal the other.

And for those of you who are wondering, no, the wife didn't kill her husband.

She had her boyfriend do it.

Why did she kill him?

Because her religion looked down on divorce and so she knew the only way she could be with her boyfriend was to kill off her husband.

I'll bet Jesus is eating that one up.