Wednesday, November 21, 2007

my new diet

It is called Anna-alcho-ulemia. It starts out like this: don't eat much, then drink a LOT, then puke it all up.

You also have to sleep for 15 hours. I mean, yeah, you'll lose muscle mass and all, and you will also have the shakes and don't worry too much about that burning empty feeling in your stomach. Just tell yourself it is cramps and take a lot of advil.

In no time, you will be looking SMOKIN' HOT on the beach. Just don't wear a bathing suit because your pallor will be like that of death. Also wear big sunglasses to cover up the dark circles that have become your eyes.

BEST OF LUCK TO YOU ALL!!! I'll see you after this quick coma................................

Thursday, November 08, 2007

stirring the waters...

At lunch today, we were discussing our ancestors and I'm all about whoring out the "we were jewish royalty with a castle and everything" routine. People are always impressed, but I've yet to have anyone bow down.... so until that day...

Later we made a starbucks run and I mentioned wanting to put up our x-mas tree last weekend (yes, I know it was the first weekend of November) and one of my co-workers was like oh, but I thought you were Jewish! ha ha! I said, nah, that was long ago. She said something about me being a christian and i said, nah... the other teacher with us joked about me being a "bad christian" i said... nah... so the first one said so what? are you an atheist or agnostic?!?!?! yeah....

***crickets chirping***

So, I said what? are you not going to be my friend anymore because I do the right thing because it is the right thing and not because I fear eternal damnation?

**** damn those crickets sure are loud ****

I love when people find out that I don't believe in god after they have already formed an opinion of me. I wonder what the thought process for that one is. Hmm... I knew she wasn't a religious person, but I also know that she's a decent person and is responsible... I knew it was weird when she yelled goddamnit all the time.... but we get along.... POP! Brain explodes!

I'm sure most people think I'm just saying it for the shock value (cause I NEVER say absurd things just to see how people react!). But it is something I just generally don't talk about much outside of my close knit group of friends because I don't like being on the defensive nor do I like the feeling of being openly judged. So, it is something that I tend to not discuss either way. I don't tell you to shut up when you say you will pray for me. I don't laugh in your face and go on a tirade when you ask me to pray for your family. Because I honestly don't care. If you need some sort of reward for doing what's right... hey... do whatever it takes. If you think that you shouldn't murder people or steal because it was in the bible, that's fine as long as you aren't murdering people or stealing. I'll avoid those things because it isn't nice and I wouldn't like those things to happen to me.

Anyway, we'll see how quickly this spreads and how quickly I lose my job.

I got an e-mail from a former student's mom complaining about a movie coming out and how terrible it is b/c it was written by an atheist etc. etc. Three days after sending this to me (at work - completely inappropriate) I saw her outside and we discussed what needs to be done to get her other son in my class in two years when he finally starts school. Hmm... I wonder if she would somehow think that her second son wouldn't learn to read or to be a good student in me class if she knew (insert scary music) the real me...

It is such crap.