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Wednesday, March 14, 2007

So annoyed

DISCLAIMER: This whole post isn't about how much I work out or how many calories I burned etc. (So, Laura, you can read it and not want to gouge my eyes out)

Ok, so here I am... working out for the 4th day in a row this week thinking, "well, even though I'm sleeping until 10 am each day, at least I'm getting up and working out after that." So, I turn on exercise TV and bust my butt for about 45 minutes and decide, ok I can do this for a few more minutes. I flip through the new listings and get angry that they took off my favorite workouts and then Ta-Da! I find Tae Bo!

Now for most people, dancing around comes somewhat naturally. I'm not most people. So any cardio type workout I can find that doesn't have me booty dancing following 642 steps is super. I've done Tae Bo before and it is simple enough for me to follow along with out feeling like I should be drinking a 40 while doing it.

Push play and get ready.... wait, what does that banner in the background say? Faith?? what? Find my inner strength? Who is Billy Blanks kidding? Ok fine he's pretending this is some eastern philosophy based work out. Whatever, let's get on with the punches and jabs..... "What's that clap for?" Why I don't know Billy, do tell!

JESUS CHRIST!

huh?

Find your strength within! Jesus will give you the power to complete this work out. If you feel like you just can't make it, Praise the lord!

Wow, I didn't know Jesus could cure fatigue. I thought rest and hydration did that.

so I refuse to do the claps and then he tells me to punch it up to the lord. and I refuse to do that.

WHY MUST MY WORK OUT BE A RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE!?!?!?!

If God is going to make my work out better, super. I'd prefer that he didn't make chocolate taste so good. Then I wouldn't need to work out in the first place.

So, we're standing on one leg and kicking with the other, Billy tells me that if I'm falling to call on the power of God with my inner strength to help me stand tall. Man, and all this time, I grew up thinking that balance was what helped me stand tall. That Jesus must have a sick sense of humor because I sure have fallen plenty of times in my life.

I can just picture Jesus sitting up there with his disciples saying hey man, watch this little girl, she's going to try to roller skate, we'll test her faith...

Let me set the scene, I'm rocking out to NKOTB with my side pony tail and my pink hand me down satin jacket (with denim shorts of course) scrunch socks and some rented roller skates. ohh-ohh -ohh-ohh-ohhh Hangin' Tough! whoa... whoa!!!! CRASH!!!

Jesus: ha ha! She didn't ask me to help her not fall, she didn't use her inner strength, now look at her on the ground sucka!

Me: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY ARM IS SNAPPED IN HALF!!!!

Needless to say, I won't be sticking to a Tae Bo work out. I'll stick to Satan Strength Training. Until god makes chocolate and ice cream taste like asparagus and asparagus taste like chocolate... I'll leave the church out of my work outs.

1 comments:

Laura said...

Yesss, I got a shout out in the post. And I don't have to gouge any eyes:) BTW, I'm totally with you on the God-work out-chocolate thing.