Laughing at my own jokes

Sometimes, really stupid things pop into my head. They generally run away as quickly as they come. Not anymore though. I've set a trap for those funny little bastards. It is called "writing them down." Pretty good huh?

Anyway, here are a couple of them:

As I was washing my hands the other day, the phrase "whore's breath" flashed in my mind. Awesome! I don't know how to use it, but I like to just say it and laugh. Like when I stub my toe, rather than yelling "ahhh crap!" I can now yell, "whore's breath!" It works.

Then on Friday night we went to eat and I saw Fratty McFratGuy carrying out his illegitimate bastard crying child and turned to John and told him that the guy looked like a baby dropper. Think about it... there are certain people in this world and all it takes is a glimpse into their lives to see them stumbling and dropping babies.

Put those little nuggets in your pocket and feel free to use them. Just don't forget where you got them when you're suddenly the funniest guy/gal in the room and everyone is laughing with you.